How to Talk to Kids About War

War is a difficult and complex topic that can be hard to explain to children. War can cause fear, sadness, anger, and anxiety in both adults and kids, especially when it makes headlines or affects people we know or care about. As parents, we want to protect our children from distress, but we also want to help them understand what is going on in the world and how it affects them and others. 

 Talking to kids about war can be challenging, but it is also an opportunity to provide them with information, reassurance, support, and tools to help them manage their emotions.

Here are some tips on how to approach the topic with your child and ways to help them feel needed and helpful in the world.

1. Find out what they know and how they feel

Before you start the conversation, try to find out what your child knows and how they feel about war. You can ask them open-ended questions such as “What have you heard about the wars going on in the world?” or “How do you feel about what is happening?” Some children might know little about what is happening and not be interested in talking about it, but others might be worrying in silence. With younger children, drawing, stories, and other activities may help to open up a discussion. 

Kids can discover the news in many ways, such as online, on TV, at school, or from friends. It is important to check in on what they are seeing and hearing and correct any inaccurate or misleading information they might have come across. For example, you can say “I heard that you saw some scary pictures of the war on your friend’s phone. Do you want to talk about what you saw?”

 It is also important to acknowledge their feelings and assure them that whatever they are feeling is natural and normal. You can say “I understand that you are feeling scared/sad/angry/confused about the war. It is OK to feel that way. I feel that way sometimes too.” or “You are not alone in feeling this way. Many other children and adults feel the same way as you do.” Show that you are listening by giving them your full attention and remind them that they can talk to you or another trusted adult whenever they like.

The truth is there are over twenty wars occurring on our planet right now that need our love and prayers, but the media focuses on the one war they and the government think is most important. This could be a chance to explain to your child that the media focuses on negative stories, but there are more happy stories to be told in the world than fearful, bad stories. A good place to start for reading all the good happening in the world is https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/

2. Keep it calm and age-appropriate

Children have a right to know what is going on in the world, but adults also have a responsibility to keep them safe from distress. You know your child best. Use age-appropriate language, watch their reactions, and be sensitive to their level of anxiety. Avoid giving too much detail or graphic information that might overwhelm or frighten them. For example, you can say “War is when two or more groups of people fight with each other because they disagree on something” or “Sometimes people use weapons like guns or bombs to hurt each other during a war” instead of describing the violence or injuries in detail.

 It is normal if you feel sad or worried about what is happening as well. But keep in mind that kids take their emotional cues from adults, so try not to overshare any fears with your child. Speak calmly and be mindful of your body language, such as facial expressions. You can say “I am worried about the people who are affected by the war too, but I am also hopeful that things will get better soon” or “I am sad about what is happening, but I am also grateful for all the good things we have in our lives.”

3. Provide reassurance and security

One of the main concerns that children have when they hear about war is whether they or their loved ones are safe. They may also worry about the impact of war on their daily lives, such as school, friends, or activities. It is important to reassure them that they are safe and secure and that you will do everything you can to protect them and take care of them. You can say “The war is happening very far away from us and it will not affect us here” or “We have a strong army/police/firefighters who are working hard to keep us safe.”

 You can also help them feel more secure by maintaining a normal routine as much as possible and providing them with extra comfort and affection. You can say “We will still go to school/work/play as usual” or “We will still have fun together as a family” or “I love you very much and I am always here for you.” You can also encourage them to do things that make them happy and relaxed, such as playing games, reading books, listening to music, or doing hobbies.

4. Emphasize empathy and compassion

Talking to kids about war can also be an opportunity to teach them about empathy and compassion for others who are suffering or in need. You can help them understand the perspectives and feelings of others who are affected by war, such as refugees, soldiers, or civilians. You can say “Imagine how you would feel if you had to leave your home and everything you love because of a war” or “Imagine how brave the soldiers are who are fighting to protect us and others” or “Imagine how scared the people are who are living in a war zone.”

 You can also help them develop a sense of responsibility and agency by involving them in actions that can make a positive difference. You can say “We can help the people who are affected by war by donating money/clothes/food/toys to a charity that supports them” or “We can write letters/cards/messages to the soldiers who are fighting for us and thank them for their service” or “We can pray/wish/hope for peace and an end to the war.”

A tool I like to share with my clients is the loving-kindness meditation.  This is similar to a prayer.  Have your children take a deep breath and send love to themselves and then instruct them to imagine sending love to the people on one side of the war and then imagine sending love to people on the other side of the war.  Both sides are suffering and deserve love.  If everyone in the world did this, we would make a huge difference and I believe the war would stop, but even a few of us sending love energetically can be felt.  This is a great tool to teach children to help them feel needed and useful in a situation that typically leads us to feel useless in the world.

5. Teach your children to live their best lives!

The most important actions we can take to help the world is to live with more heart and to live our best life. If each person in the world had a mission to live each day working on being their best authentic selves, war would not exist.  The solution to world challenges starts with us! Model this to your children. Show them that you are consistently learning, growing, and striving to be a better person than you were the day before.  This action will change the world!

Sources:

1 10 Tips for Talking to Kids about War - Momentous Institute

2 How to talk to your children about conflict and war - UNICEF

3 Talking to Children about War - The National Child Traumatic Stress Network

4 How to Talk to Your Kids About War - Verywell Family

5 How to talk to children about war: An age-by-age guide - TODAY