13 Reasons Why your teen and tween will benefit from a Life Coach
*Updated version from the original in 2017
You may have heard about the show "13 Reasons Why" which tells the story of how a teen girl takes her own life after experiencing many traumatic experiences. There are mixed views about the show. Some feel like the show provides a valuable opportunity for discussion about bullying and teen suicide, but on the other side of the spectrum are those that feel the show glorifies suicide and shows that it is an easy option. I believe that "13 Reasons Why" is a show that can only be watched by those that are not in a vulnerable and emotional state and I don't know too many teens that are not in this state. The adolescent years can be difficult for most teens. We have all been through it and know that it has many challenges. This is why I feel strongly that every adolescent needs a life coach or someone they see weekly or monthly that can teach them skills that will help them deal with the everyday challenges they face. This could be a counselor or therapist as well as long there are tools being taught in each session. I can think of many reasons why a life coach for every child is extremely important. Here are just 13 reasons why teens and tweens need a life coach to guide them through their most difficult years:
1. Social Media is overwhelming and causing a disconnect from the real world.
Instagram does not show every detail of people’s lives. Everything is glorified and put in a pretty package. Inside that package is where reality lives. Preteens and teens tend to look at the social media posts of other people and fall into a lack mindset. They can be taught to look at social media posts with a growth mindset and loving composure and they can be taught to consider this loving composure before they make their own posts.
This is a perfect time to teach them the skills of pausing before posting and balancing their time and energy between social media and real life. A life coach can assist kids with achieving this balance and creating healthy habits when posting and scrolling on social media.
2. Test pressure is causing anxiety in many children today. Test anxiety is a real thing. I’ve seen it in many of my students. The pressure is coming from the schools and sometimes the parents. Our youth needs help with managing the anxiety that comes from this pressure. A life coach teaches helpful tools to help manage this anxiety in order to be more successful in school.
3. Bullying occurs far too often at school, on social media, and sometimes even at home.
It is rare for a child to not have experienced being bullied by the time they graduate high school. A life coach can teach skills to kids to help them handle the bullying and even prevent bullying from occurring. Kids also need these skills to help them realize when they are being the bully and how to protect themselves from that situation. Most schools have an anti-bullying program in place, but in my experience as a middle school teacher, the students do not take the lessons seriously and the program can sometimes give new opportunities for bullying to occur. In my opinion, the tools I teach need to be presented to the students in schools every day so that it becomes a norm and not something to make fun of.
4. Divorce during the preteen and early teen years is more likely to lead to behavior problems
Many kids have false beliefs that they are the cause of the divorce. It's more emotional for the child than for the parents. There is a 16% increase in the risk of behavior problems if the child is between 7 and 14 years old when their parents decide to divorce.
A life coach can help the child find emotional resilience and manage the big change that has occurred before the pain manifests into behavior problems, depression, and anxiety.
5. Peer Pressure is always present and can lead a teen down an unhealthy road.
Adolescents will be less likely to give in to peer pressure when they honor and love who they are. They can be taught how to follow their inner guidance and avoid situations that will have negative or unhealthy consequences. This is a skill the teen will definitely benefit from all through life and a life coach can help develop the crucial skills of self-love and intuitive guidance.
6. Sexual abuse is more common than one might think. According to the center for disease control, teenagers account for 51% of all reported sexual abuse, and female victims of teen sexual abuse while in grades 9 through 12 are more likely than others to experience eating disorders, suicidal behavior, pregnancy and risky sexual behaviors. Giving a child the gift of consistent life coaching can help a child stray away from situations where sexual abuse could occur.
7. The culture of alcohol drinking during the teen years has become the norm and is sometimes not taken seriously. According to a study done at George Mason University, this culture of alcohol drinking can lead to higher rates of teen sex, teen pregnancy, date rape, violence, and illegal activity. Many teens believe it is not a big deal to drink alcohol, because everyone does it, even their parents. Alcohol becomes a remedy for stress and anxiety in teens. A life coach can help teens with techniques to deal with anxiety, depression, and peer pressure in order to keep the teen from getting involved in the culture of alcohol drinking.
8. The brain of a teen is still maturing and is in an extremely fast-growing phase.
Hundreds of millions of new neural connections are being made in the adolescent brain. During this phase of life, the brain is growing at a rate second to the first five years of life. Preteens are starting to develop the ability to anticipate consequences and delay gratification. What a great time to teach them tools for self-regulation, emotional management, and self-love.
As the brain goes through an immense growing phase, the prefrontal cortex is still being constructed. The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain where emotional control, impulse restraint, and rational decision-making take place. According to Dr. David Walsh, this part of the brain does not fully mature until around the age of 25 and this is why many teenagers do not practice good judgment in difficult situations. You can read more about the adolescent brain in Dr. Walsh's book, "Why Do They Act That Way?"
9. Adolescents do not like to talk to their parents.
I'm sure you remember being a teenager and not wanting to tell your parents about the fight you had with your friends at school that day or the low grade you made on a test. During the adolescent years, kids withdraw from their parents and spend more time alone or with friends. Dr. Lisa Damour calls this time period the psychological equivalent of riding a bike with training wheels. Teenagers are preparing to strike out on their own and are wanting to talk to friends more than their parents. Teens need to talk to someone with a mature frontal cortex who can help guide them to good decision making and this could be a life coach, mentor, counselor or family friend.
10. Friendship challenges are common during the teen and tween years.
Friendship drama can cause many ups and downs for an adolescent. One day your teen is best friends with someone and the next day she is not. Hateful things can be said to each other and rumors can be spread. This can lead to bullying and depression. The adolescent child needs to have a mentor to show them the bigger picture when it comes to friends switching back and forth from best friends to enemies. A life coach can help guide a teen to have healthy boundaries and to use inner guidance in making good decisions when it comes to who should be a friend and who should not.
11. The decision of what to do after high school is a huge stress factor for juniors and seniors.
This is more the case in competitive environments. "What University did you get into?" can be a loaded question for many teens that feel like they have to get into a good school or they won't be accepted by their peers or their parents will not be happy. Teens feel the pressure to know what they want to do as a career as early as 9th grade. They get confused by all of the pressure from parents, friends, and media. A life coach can help teens get clear and listen to their inner knowledge and desires and also help them realize that it’s okay to not be sure of what they want to do in the future.
12. The feeling of isolation happens to most teens.
Teens are becoming more independent and trying to figure out what their purpose in life is, who their friends are, and what they are good at. As they are learning more about themselves they may have moments of feeling left out or like they are different than everyone else, which leads to a feeling of isolation. A BIG thing for a teenager is feeling accepted into a group of friends. Without a feeling of belonging, teens fall into depression. A life coach can help teenagers understand that we are all connected and here for different reasons, and help them find ways of finding friends who honor and respect them. Teens are wondering what their purpose is and a life coach can help guide them in the right direction.
13. Popular shows, such as "13 Reasons Why" from 2017, can have a great influence on a teen that is experiencing bullying, pressure, and/or abuse.
Suicide contagion is real. The show can inspire a teen that is going through similar experiences as Hannah Baker did. Teens can be coached to know that suicide is not an option.
It’s crucial that teens know what negative effects they can experience from the shows they watch.
When we watch shows and movies, we get in a trance-like state, which is the ideal state for training our subconscious with thoughts and ideas. What teens are watching does have an effect on their mental health. They can be taught to choose shows that inspire and motivate them over those that lead them into a low vibration emotion of depression or anxiety.
Provide your teen with someone to talk to on a consistent basis. A life coach will teach important, life-saving tools that will help teens gain a healthy mind in order to live a happy and successful life with meaning and purpose.
If you are needing further assistance and want to talk about the needs of your teen or preteen, schedule a consultation here.